Metaphors
by jensmiling
Summary: Rachel confronts Finn and the entire Glee Club after episode 209. What if Rachel realises what we already know? That her self-esteem caused her to cheat and her bullying is just as real as Kurts? NOW WITH EPILOGUE!
1. Chapter 1

_I know I haven't updated my other two stories yet but this just came into my head after this week's episode. I was so upset that Finn and Rachel broke up but then I was so angry. Rachel gets treated so badly yet no one does anything to support her in anyway, odd after such an anti-bullying stance last week. This is a one shot where Rachel confront the Glee club. I am not sure if it's OOC but it's what I think should have been said._

I knock hesitantly on Mr Shuester's door. I can't help but feel a rush of dryness to my mouth as my stomach somersaults. It'd probably be easier, I think, if I hadn't done this several times before and threatened it on a weekly basis.

But this time it's different.

I'm done.

"Come in" Mr Shuester replies. I feel a sudden rush of affection as he looks up from the mountain of papers he was grading and motions me to sit down. It wasn't his fault, I don't even really blame him for yelling. He just didn't get it, didn't get there was more than one layer to me. So I figure it was easier for him to yell at me for being an egotistical fame seeker than sitting down and getting to the root of the problem.

It happens a lot. People judging me. People fitting me into a box and giving me a label that could fit on a post-it note. Loser. Star Soloist. Quarterbacks girlfriend. Loser again.

The truth is, to me at least, it seems a lot more complex. Like I'm a jigsaw puzzle with lots of different parts. To truly label me would take up the pages of a notebook rather than a post-it note, but I guess high school kids don't really think in metaphors. To be honest, sometimes _I'm _tired of metaphors. Sometimes they just don't do the job.

Take the break up with Finn. Since it I've felt…. Well that's the point, I can't define it. I've struggled to find an appropriate metaphor to articulate my feelings but when it comes down to it the best way I can describe it was… well _sad. _It's not the advanced vocabulary I'm used to but it best sums up how I feel each morning when my alarm clock goes off.

"I want to quit Glee." I say meekly. There it's out, I've said now. No turning back.

"Rachel" he started "if this is about the solo." There it goes again, he might as well take out his post-it-note and stick on my forehead.

"It's not about that Mr Shue," I interrupt "Although frankly I do think you should just pick the people whose voice best suit the song rather than trying to create award wining teaching moments. But it's not about that. I'm… just tired. You know since I was three years old I wanted to be a star?"

I watch him nod, his eyes glaze over, like he's comfortable now. He's expecting the same story I've told a billion times. The one where I end up on Broadway and win a billion awards. He's smiling now, thinking about the ending. And that's what a good story should do, take you to another place, make you feel good about yourself. That's why it's called a story. It's not real.

"Well, as you know I broke up with Finn and I feel sad, really sad. I don't care about it anymore, my dream. My dad got me tickets to Phantom this weekend and I didn't even blink, I watched Funny Girl and I didn't sing along, it just seemed, like it was just a movie. Although undoubtedly upset about Finn, the point is if I wanted this dream badly enough it would just grow stronger in his absence; inspire me to keep going; push me through the bad times, nothing else would matter. But other things _do_ matter to me and I if I want the slightest chance of being content with myself in ten years times and avoiding therapy then I need to explore those things too. It's actually kind of exciting, like my life could alter from the path I've created, I could study science and be a doctor, or be a teacher, or a writer. Or perhaps I will sing. Either way, I don't want Glee to be my _life _anymore. I don't want to need it to feel good about myself."

I watch Mr Shue smile freeze and instantly recognise that look in his eyes. Fear. Well, he should have thought about that about before yelling at me, I think. Ok, so perhaps I am still _a little bitter._

"That's really great that you're giving yourself options Rachel, but you can do it all!" he replies, I mean Glee only meets twice a week and I know you're a very organised student …"

"Mr Shue" I interrupt him, my mind made up. "I'm unhappy. At Glee. Sure I enjoy singing, but maybe I don't need it like I did. I have no friends in there. I had Finn and I lost him, and the rest they dislike me, well the person they think is me anyway. Why would I spend my time with people that dislike me? That call me names, they actively think of ways to make me unhappy." A wave of clarity of washes over me, I'm doing the right thing "Life's too short."

The thing about Mr Shue is he finds it really difficult to admit he's in the wrong. I think he knows deep down that he could have done something. He could have stopped Quinn calling me man hands or Santana saying that she wanted to punch me. But he didn't. It probably wouldn't have made a different, but when you're sinking sometimes it's nice to feel like at least one person got your back. I know Kurt left, but I like to think that in one small way I tried, I tried to have his back. I'm feeling sorry for myself now I know, it could be a lot worse, it's just names and bitchiness, nothing violent.

It still hurts though.

"Okay" he says quietly "okay, but you have to tell them. Let's go to the choir room now."

I nod because I know they won't take me seriously and they'll just yell at me some more but that's okay because for every decision I make in my life I like to have 5 clear reasons and the moment I can only count four (I've broke up with Finn; the teacher yelled at me; everyone hates me; I don't know if I want to be a star anymore) so perhaps when they yell at me, which they inevitably will; I'll find my fifth reason.

I see him first of course. I always see him first, it's like I can always pick him out in a sea of faces. I truly miss him, I do. But for once it isn't about him. It's about me.

"Rachel has something she wants to say."

And with that the floor is mine. I fiddle with my R necklace while the words start to eek their way out. I avoid all eye contact with Finn; like I said this isn't about Finn.

"So I'm leaving Glee, sorry to leave you one member short. Thanks goodbye."

I'm pretty sure that the shortest speech I've ever made.

I turn on my heels and make a break for it. I'm due to join science club in fifteen minutes. I'm pretty sure I'll hate it but I made myself promise to join a new club a week in attempt to find my calling. I just want to find things, lots of things to make me feel good enough. Things that mean I don't need to cheat on my boyfriend to improve my self esteem. I shudder at the memory.

"You can't just leave!" he yells. Typical. _Now he wants to talk to me._

I shuffle back towards the piano.

"Why?" I ask and for once he hasn't got an answer.

I can see they're all nudging other. Biting tongues. Finding someone that hates me the least to convince me to stay. And in a way I'm glad. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't satisfying to see them that way, but the truth is they need me, I get that. It's just not a good enough reason to stay anymore.

Artie clears his throat. I silently commend them on their choice, I like Artie. He is remarkably sexist towards women but he's always been friendly to me.

"Rachel, we get that you're uncomfortable about your err situation but we need you, we're already missing Kurt and without you we might as well not bother to get on the bus to regionals, let alone the plane to nationals."

I sigh. I don't want them to lose, I really don't. For some of them Glee is their only shot and I know how bad it feels to be part of a losing team.

"I get that and I'm sorry, I truly I am. But you guys needing my voice, is not a good enough reason to stay."

"What about if we just need you?" Finn asks, his voice crackling. He looks totally adorable and it takes everything I have not to run into his arms and kiss him senseless. But I need to do this.

"If you need me I answer then you call me, or you come to my house or you just talk to me" I add pointedly "I don't need to be a part of Glee club for you to do that."

He's temporarily silence. Again.

"If this is about me outing Finn then…" Santana starts. I watch gratefully as Quinn nudges her forcefully and return a smile in Quinn's direction. She was probably just doing it for the sake of the team but I'd like to think that in a small way she was thinking of my feelings.

"You know what it is?" I respond "I've lost the love of my life" I'm proud that I don't let my eyes flicker to him even though, somehow I know he's staring at me. "…and it hurts me, far more than any audition I didn't get or any musical ending that I've memorised the words to. It made me realise that I don't get what I want from my life anymore and that perhaps it's not all about Finn and it's not all about singing. So I'm quitting Glee and I'm trying to find something, anything that makes me feel something, something different than I've felt before. And I'm always going to love singing, it's just not a big enough reason to spend me life with a group of people who really don't like me." I see a few of them shuffle in their seats but no one tries to correct me.

"I like you." Finn and Puck say it at the same time, a few seconds later. Finn looks like he's about to kill Puck. I really don't need more drama right now. Finn always looks cute when he's angry though.

I turn to leave again and then I hear Tina and Mercedes speak quietly "we, well, we like you too Rachel."

I smile at them. "Thank you" and I mean it, I do. I contniue "but the truth is two weeks ago I stood in front of the Glee girls and asked them to do everything they could to stop Kurt hurting. We as a club were rightfully outraged at his treatment and we tried everything to do to stop him being bullied. Where were you for me? My own boyfriend wouldn't even stick up to the name calling, the looks, the taunts. Was it as serious as Kurt's? Probably not. Did it hurt as much? Yes. I don't need to surround myself with the girl who did that with me and the people that encourage it or at the very least bite their tongue. I have pretty low self esteem but even I know I'm better than that.

With that, I'm truly gone. I know he's watching me as I leave, they all are. I know he'll probably call me, and I truly hope we'll get back together, because I love him, I really do. He has flaws; so do I. But at the moment, I think, as I step out into the Lima sunshine, nothing is defining me, nothing is my everything. I have choices, I have decisions.

There's something really good about possibilities I think to myself. Sometimes just getting a few pieces of the puzzles together is enough, you don't need to do the whole jigsaw. I smile at myself.

I guess metaphors aren't too bad after all.

_Not a fluffy ending as you like and I'm tempted to turn this into a multi-chapter. I love Finchel but I think Rachel has really bad self-esteem and needs to work on herself too. Please please read and review, this is a different style of writing than I usually do and I'd love to know I've pulled it off!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Oh my gosh! 35 reviews! I logged on this morning to see if I had a review or two and couldn't believe it! I'm super happy you love my writing but also great to see so many agreed with me about Rachel. I literally felt I was watching someone maul the show on Tuesday when I watched everything unfold. I am sorry to have not updated my other stories but the thought of happy Finchel is just not working right now. I mean, like Rachel said, I don't even know who Finn is anymore, so different to the Finn is Furt. He needs to do some serious apologising! Anyways, chapter 2 is up. Enjoy. The song lyric at the start is Whip My Hair by Willow._

_I __whip my hair back and forth  
I whip my hair back and forth (just whip it)  
I whip my hair back and forth  
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)_

I have to admit my morning routine is a little more exhilarating now I've ditched the elliptical trainer. I down my banana and flaxseed smoothie (some traditions stay the same) and spend the next five minutes dancing around my bedroom. Maybe it's not the rigorous exercise routine I'm used to, but dancing, shaking my hair crazily, feeling my heart pounding beneath my chest, well it makes me feel good. And that can't be a bad thing right now.

I picked this as my go to shower song a month ago as it totally summed up the importance of ambition. An eleven year old singing an annoyingly catchy song and taking the pop world by storm? That should have been me! It made me realise that perhaps I needed to try harder, if an eleven year old could achieve her ambitions, then why couldn't I at 16? It became a metaphor, for what I should have been achieving but wasn't. Then I realised that she was Will Smith's daughter so he'd probably catapulted her into the showbiz elite without any effort on her part. Then I realised that I wasn't even sure _if I wanted to be a singer_. But by that time it was too late and the song remained; like I say it's really catchy.

It's been a week since my leaving the Glee club and it's slowly getting easier. I walk by sometimes and I see them, sometimes doing vocal warm-ups or arguing over song selections and other than an overwhelming desire to offer constructive criticism, it's fine. But occasionally I'll hear them all, perfectly in sync together, and I miss that. The moment you realise your truly part of a team; part of something special. But if I'm honest those moments were few and far between. It just isn't worth the pain.

He didn't call me. I shouldn't have been surprised really. I still cheated on him. I still hurt him. Even if we were _part of something special, _sometimes it's not enough. Besides, I think, there's a part of me that still mad, a part of me that's still processing his look at Santana as she walked down the hallway, a part of me that keeps hearing echoes of 'sure she's super hot' over in my head. Maybe it's easier not to speak right now. It seems it anyway.

As I arrive at school and reach my locker I see him, talking with Puck, laughing. It strikes me as hypocrisy, in Glee there's such a double standard between the sexes. But I'm not in Glee anymore, so I let it go.

I miss him. It catches me off guard so much that it feels like I've been punched in the gut. _I really really miss him._

She's waiting for me at my locker. I shouldn't be surprised. I knew she would find me eventually, once the news broke.

* * *

"So Berry I hear you've quit Glee and delivered a speech about Self-esteem. That's my kind of exit speech. You know who has self-esteem?"

"Madonna?" I answer confidently. It's usually the answer to one of Ms Sylvester's questions.

"No me. I have so much self-esteem that the only person worth loving is _myself._ _Literally_. And what with Santana getting a boob job and Quinn getting knocked up I need self-esteem injection boost Cheerios."

She throws the uniform at me, in what I assume is an invitation. I guess she's dismissing pleasantries.

I know it's not really about self-esteem. It's about Mr Shue. Anything that he can't have she wants. And she knows he wants… needs me, in Glee. So she's going to steal me instead to spite him. The things is despite my reluctance at being used as a pawn in one of her games; I'm going to let her. Aren't I supposed be trying new things? It beats science club, which I have to admit was beyond awful. Dissecting a frog, really?

She's talking again. I catch part of it something about practice starts tonight, three days a week, to wear my uniform at all times and then I hear it _as head singer. _Who said anything about singing?

"I don't want to sing" I tell her. She looks at me in amazement. "But having you on the squad is part of my plan to fuse music and cheer routines and as a result become unstoppable at nationals." I shake my head fiercely. I don't want to sing. Not like this. I'll be the singer again. Wasn't this about something different, something new?

"Mrs Sylvester. I've been taking ballet lessons since I was three. I think you'll find I'm more than capable than learning routines. Whilst my vocal talent is impressive, I want to be able to rely on my talent for dancing rather than my obvious aptitude for singing."

She shrugs. See, I told you it's not about the team. They've won Nationals five years in a row. It's about Mr Shue.

"and I'll wear this" I add, motioning towards the uniform, "but only on the days we practice. You know some of the cheerio's wear these things 24/7."

"_you're_ a cheerio now" she replies simply.

"I'm on the cheerio squad" I answer simply, holding the uniform up for inspection "there's a difference."

She nods as she walks away. I don't think she got it, not really, but like always she's got want she wanted.

I'm on the cheerio squad.

I'm not a cheerio. I'm not being defined by my extra-curricular activities again. As for the uniform, I think as I move towards the bathroom to change in to it, I'll wear it, sometimes. The skirts a little short now the weathers getting chilly but it'll be fine with black tights. There's a distinct lack of patterns but as I smooth it over my body I realise it's not a bad fit. I'm not quite ready to scrape my hair back in a high pony so I settle on a messy bun, leaving my bangs to fall and meet my eyebrows. I look….different. But that's what it's supposed to be about, right?

* * *

Santana approaches me as I'm doing my stretches. Well, I'm not really stretching, I'm just pretending to, so I don't have to converse with the dozen cheerios that can't stop staring at me. "So we're on the same team now Berry." She states and I roll my eyes. "We were always on the same team Santana, remember?"

"Yes, but this is different, we're equal now. We're both Cheerio's."

Santana, using a metaphor. Who'd have thought it? I laugh as I realise that this all it ever was to her. Power; being higher than me. She tore my relationship apart and made me feel awful about myself and that was all it was ever about.

"So Finn is kinda lame since you hooked up with Puck and all. It's disgusting, like he wears all black and he hardly ever sings in Glee."

I'm confused as to whether she wants me to feel pity or elation; so I settle on both.

_I miss him.__ I really really miss him._

I shrug, lost in thought. She seemed stunned by my lack of conversational skills. I just don't know what there is to say. Well, I know what _I want_ to say…but I digress.

"Do you want me to apologise Berry? Is that it?" she asks, getting angry now. "I've done nothing wrong, he was a good looking _single _guy and I was available."

"You're always available" I mutter. Okay, that was bitchy I know. I couldn't help myself.

She laughs sarcastically. "You know the dinner; well it was just a burger really."

I'm not sure why she is sharing this information. Is it supposed to make me feel better or be appalled at Finn's lack of dating etiquette?

"He cried afterwards. He said it didn't mean anything, that it was mistake. That is should have been you."

It's what I always wanted to hear. _But from him_. It's what I wanted him to say when the tears were trickling down my face and I was in so much pain I couldn't breath, but he didn't. Why didn't he?

_I miss him. I really really miss him._

"I mean he loves you, I don't get it but he loves you. I thought that maybe, just maybe…" Her face softens and I snap. Am I supposed to feel sorry for _her_. So I say it…

"Excuse me, am I supposed to feel sorry for you?"

"He loves you, I'm just saying."

"Please" I say, angrily "like your really going to play the role of the poor lonely easy cheerio. You don't love Finn, hell you don't even like him to out his secret like you did. You're just wounded he's not trailing after you like every other guy you give it up to does. For a while anyways. The thing is Santana, the easy cheerio? That's your role. You cast yourself into it, no one forced you. Just like no-one forced me into the role of Glee captain. I chose it, I get that now. So if you're sad, if you're lonely, then go and do something about, but really, I figure you just can't stand that at one point, despite my flaws, despite my sexual inhibitions he needed me, _he wanted me,_ far more than he ever needed you."

With that she retreats back, like an animal slowly tiptoeing away from its predator. I'd like to think that I've hit a nerve and she'll change. However, she's probably taking her time to think of the bitchiest comeback that will cause the most distress to me.

This is Santana we're talking about here.

* * *

As I run to grab my water bottle from my locker, I see him standing there. Watching.

"So you're one of those now?" he asks, not even attempting to hide the bitterness in his voice.

It's kind of ironic considering he's only been with 3 women and 2 of them were cheerios.

"It's something new" I state fiddling nervously with the chain of my necklace. His eyes go to it immediately. The R stands boldly, mocking the fact that I ever wore his name around my neck. I wish I still wore his name around my neck.

"It's different" he replies, calmer now.

"It is. It's different. It's all different." I say "Well, perhaps we're equal now" I say, half joking, thinking back to Santana's comment, in an attempt to break the silence.

He shakes his head silently "We were never equal Rach" he replies quietly as he starts to walk away. "You were always way above me and I was just lucky to keep up." I watch him until he becomes just a grain of sand in the distance. It takes everything I have not to rush home and cry my eyes out but I can't. I have cheerio practice remember.

I miss him, I think as I make my way back to the gymnasium.

_I really really miss him._

_Ah angst! Sorry I can't think of a way to wrap this up in a fluffy story right now but perhaps after the christmas episode I will. I am sorry if Santana comes across a total bitch, but if there is supposed to be a redeemable quality to her I sure don't get it! After the overwhelming support for chapter 1, I'm not expecting as many reviews but it would seriously make my day, my week, if you could leave a comment. _


	3. Chapter 3

_OMG 82 reviews! 85 alerts! I can't believe the positive response! I seriously spent this morning reading over the reviews to cheer myself up! I don't know about Rachel's self-esteem but mine is definitely improving! Anyways just wanted to address a few things._

_- Mixed response to Rachel being a Cheerio. I hope it's not a cliche. I hope I got across that she accepts because she has promised herself to try new things rather than just revenge. She's at a bit of a crossroads so she decides to just go for it._

_- As for Sue accepting Rachel's demands I think she just wants to rub the fact she stole Rachel in Will's face._

_-As for Santana. Her explaining Finn's reaction could be seen as nice but also shows how much she manipulated thing. Plus she hints she was upset that Finn didn't love her in that way which Rachel is so angry and sees through it all._

Here we go...

* * *

He's kissing me and it's _so_ good. His hands are running through my hair like he's desperate to cling on to me, to us. My whole body is enveloped around his, my hands firmly grip his waist. I'm not letting him go. Not yet.

I don't know how we got here. _Again_. Is it healthy? No it's not. Does it make me feel better? Yes. I know one of us needs to stop it eventually, just not yet.

I can't believe he even thinks that I felt anything for Puck. That kissing Puck was anything close to what I feel when I'm kissing him. With Puck it's passionate, it's angry but mainly it's just me pretending, forcing something that was never really there. With him, it's everything. Colours blending before my eyes, not quite knowing where I end and he begins. It's love.

Well it used to be at least.

No I'm not dreaming. No I am not reminiscing whilst listening to the world's greatest Broadway classics. Finn and I are making out on his bed. Right now! And for someone who scorned my joining the squad he doesn't seem to have a problem with my uniform, I think, as he gently plays with the hem of my extremely short skirt.

I need to stop it, right now. I need to talk to him. Except, for once, I really don't want to say anything. I just want to keep kissing him.

How did I get here? How did _we _get here? It started 53 minutes ago, when I left Cheerio practice…

* * *

He was waiting for me. Again. I figured that he hadn't disappeared after all, just waited for me to run back into practice and then turned around. I started to say something, anything, because I was desperate for him not to walk away again. To leave me, _again._

But then he kissed me. And we said nothing, nothing at all.

We walked silently and quickly to his car and then, after the short drive, took the stairs two at a time to his bedroom. And then, in a familiar pattern, we fell onto the bed.

This time I kissed him. He kissed me back. So here we are. Kissing. Except we've still said nothing.

His kisses become angrier, fiercer, like he's trying to prove something to _me_, to _us_, to _Puck? _

Then he says my name, quietly at first. _"Oh Rach." _It should make me feel better, but all I can think of suddenly is "Sure she's super hot." It keeps echoing around my head until all of a sudden it explodes. All I can hear is him saying it over and over again. All I can see is him turning his body, to look at her, to appreciate her. It hurts, it hurts so much, it makes my body ache all over. He thinks she is super hot. He never said I was super hot. He never even said I was hot. Pretty. Lovely. Awesome. Amazing. But never _hot._

That alone is enough to make me stop him. I gently pull my lips away but he just smashes his more forcefully against mine. I literally heave my body away from his and sit up. He looks confused, which makes it worse, because he always looks utterly adorable when he's confused.

"I can't do this," I say quietly.

"Is it because of him?" he asks bitterly. "Are you thinking of him?"

I can't believe Finn sometimes. Am I seriously conversing with the same man who danced giddily down the aisle with me at his mother's wedding? The same man who smiled lovingly at me as his mother passed her bouquet across? The same man who had tears in his eyes as he heard Burt's speech and then grinned as we both looked at each other as if to say, _that's us, it's us next?_

And now he thinks I'm, what? In love with Puck? _Seriously._

"Of course it's not him! It's her," I yell, angry now, because why is he always the victim? Can't I be it, just _once_? Then I scold myself because I know I did a really, really bad thing. I just wish he'd listen to _why_ I did it.

"It was never about her," he yells back.

"It was never about him!" I reply, why he doesn't get it?

"Then what was it about? Am I not enough for you?" he retaliates, the pain etched on his forehead. "Do you seriously think that little of me that you'd go and make out with him? Why him?" he spits.

"Did it hurt less when I was making out with Jesse?" I ask, "when you though _I'd slept _with Jesse?" I shudder. I can't believe I almost slept with Jesse. I know what you're thinking. That technically I also nearly slept with Puck. And I now sometimes I can be incredibly stupid, incredibly niave and make huge mistakes, but believe me when I say _I'm not that stupid._ It was never going to turn into _that._

"Yes" he replies simply. At least he's honest.

"Then don't you get it! This is about_ him_ after all. However, Finn, it's about the fact that a year ago, _he_ hurt you, they both hurt you. So badly. And you never spoke about it, you never addressed it you just fell in love with me instead. Now a year on you're turning it into Quick part 2 and it isn't! You're making it about me liking him, when really it's just about you hating _him._This just isn't the same."

"I don't see why not. The guy cheats on me with both girls that I love." He's shaking now. Shaking with anger. It racks his body.

"Oh please Finn! Whatever went down with Puck and Quinn was different. When we were very briefly together I saw it. He was in love with her. And she, she must of felt something for him too. But with me? Puck was just there. I needed somebody, anybody to make me feel like I was hot. Somebody to turn their head when _I_ turned down the corridor." It makes me feel sad, really sad, because it's true. I care about myself so little that I made out with a guy in an attempt to validate my appearance. It's not right.

"What's that supposed to mean? You know I think your hot!" He exhales and rubs his hands through his hair, letting out a sigh of frustration.

"I saw you. Watching her. Completely taken in by her. Sure you didn't do anything but in a way it's even worse than sleeping with her because this time you had me but still, however briefly, you wanted her in a way I never wanted Puck."

"I love you." He says simply, as if he almost believes it's that easy. "I just want all of this to go away, you kissing Puck, me lying, I just want it all to go away and for it to just me and you singing together again, loving each other again." He leans in closer to kiss me again, to make it go away. Except, it won't really, will it?

I heave myself off the bed. "Sometimes love isn't that simple" I reply quietly, gathering my things. "Sometimes it isn't enough just to _want _something."

And with that, this time, it's me that walks away.

_Ooh! I hope I tricked a few of you in the first few sentences and made you think she was kissing Puck!That was my intention! Still super angsty and it will be this way until I watch the next ep I think. Sorry if anything seems out of OOC, part of me is just writing what I would say to Finn. Anyways, please continue to read and review. Loving your support so so much! _


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks for all the review guys! Not as many as last chapter but still lots of support from you all. I rewatched the episode again and I am still so confused about Finn. Here's how my though process went._

_ no Santana has told Rachel the news must be devastated. Except he doesn't look devastated and he's not actually defended himself._

_2. Did he say Santana was super hot? And how dare he say he wanted to tell her but she was 'crazy?'_

_3. Will he ever walk out after her when she storms out? Brilliant, after not being remotely interested for about 6 months now is the time to check Santana out in the hallway._

_4. Why when Santana says no one likes her, does he decide now is the time to yell at Rachel some more?_

_5. Temporarily feel sorry for him during break up scene. Except why is it"how could you do this to me." Also this could have been avoided if he said that 50 minutes ago._

_ away from Santana during Dog Days! Are you even upset?_

_So yeah I don't get Finn at all. So here's the next chapter. To reiterate they're at Finn's house._

__

_

* * *

_

I stumble down the steps, doing everything I can not to falter, to not collapse. I can do that once I get away from him. It has taken everything not to rush back, back into his arms and kiss him once more. But it wouldn't be right. And I need to do the right thing. For both of us.

My hand trembles as I fiddle with the door lock. Then, finally I'm outside. I'm free.

It's snowing. Just in time for Christmas, I think. My boots crush the snow into the ground and my hand instinctively reaches for my hair to feel the snowflakes that have settled lightly on my head. I love snow. Snow, to me is a metaphor to everything celebratory about the holiday season. I may not celebrate Christmas but what's not to love about this time a year? Sleigh rides. Snowmen. Sledging. Hot Chocolate. Reading a book by the fire.

It's crisp, clean, newly fallen and it's stunning. Like out on a postcard. Except eventually I think, something will come along. Hands will scrap the snow from the ground to use as ammunition in juvenile fights. Footprints will muddy the ground so the colour changes from white to an off brown dirty colour and it will never look the same. The rain will turn it into slush that clings to your feet. Soon I guess, the sun will melt it away all together, and it'll be like it was never there. I can't help but think of my relationship with Finn. It started off so perfectly, almost _too perfectly_. On reflection I was scared, so scared of ruining it, tarnishing it, that sometimes I'd tiptoe around him, around _us_. I was so terrified of making us flawed, yet look at us now. We're starting to melt away all together.

I can honestly say that my break up with Finn was the worst day of me life, except a tiny part of me, just a tiny part of me you understand, was relieved. Because deep down I'd always been waiting for this to happen, expecting for him to realise that he was too good for me. I guess it's a relief because I don't have to wait anymore. I know what you're thinking and your right. That fear, that panic, it was about me not him. He didn't made me feel that way, well not intentionally anyway. I made myself feel that way. I was the one that never felt good enough, never pretty enough, never popular enough, _never liked enough to _be his girlfriend. So if we got back together now, then I'd just be waiting wouldn't I, for to happen again? And I get it now, I think. I get that I need to work on liking myself before I can truly believe that he loves me.

The snow is falling heavier now and then I realise. I'm still on Finn's driveway. Without a car. And my house is at least half and hour away. Part of me wants to trudge home through the snow as the weather suits my melancholy perfectly, but on the other hand… well it's really cold. I notice the light go off in Finn's bedroom and here his footsteps pound down the stairs. Great! He must of seen me from the window. He knows I excel at storm outs but he must assume that I'm waiting patiently for him to follow me out. Which I'm not. But now I think about, he's never followed me when I storm out. Not once.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" he asks, and although I'm screaming no inside, my head is nodding because it's really cold and I just want to run myself a bath and drown myself in tears.

He opens the passenger door and I climb inside. We drive in silence like we always do. Finn likes to concentrate on the roads. Except that usually during our silent drives we're comfortable, easy. Finn will gentle hum to the song on the radio whilst every time we get to a stop light I like to lean over and kiss his cheek or squeeze his thigh. This time, however, the silence is pure pain. The air is crackling with all the things we want to say to each other but don't.

"I love you" he says as he opens the door to let me out of the car. The snow is still falling and my whole driveway has been enveloped in snow.

"I love you too." I reply. Because I do. It's not long now. In less than ten steps I'll be inside, away from all this. In less than thirty, I'll be in the bathtub. I can make it.

He takes it as a sign and leans into kiss me, in what should be a picture perfect moment with the snowflakes falling around us. Yet I pull my head away. It's not right, not yet. I need to get inside. He sighs and lets me go reluctantly. I rush to the door and gasp as I make it. I watch his headlights fade away into the distance.

* * *

And that's when I truly start to cry. I cry for the mistakes I made. I cry for the lies he told. I cry at the thought of him with her. I cry at the loneliness I feel. I cry for the boy I'm so in love with. I mostly cry for the fact that the love I feel just isn't enough anymore.

The sound of my phone vibrating temporarily distracts me and I attempt to hastily wipe my tears. I reach into my jean pocket, it's a message from him.

From: Finn

I love you. Why did you go? R u breaking up with me now then? I dnt understand. I forgive u + I love you x

I have a thousand questions in my mind and I stare at the phone, willing it to answer them. Yet I know our relationship can't be solved in a maximum of 100 characters. I pick myself up from the floor, wiping my tears, as I make my way into the bathroom. _R u breaking up with me now then? _When did we get back together? Did he think those kisses were enough to just put the pieces back together? Did he think I love you was enough to undo the hurt we've caused each another? Did he really think that I, Rachel Berry, would get back together with someone without so much of a conversation about the problem? Of course I'm not breaking up with him. I would never break up with him. We're just not back together.

As I begin to run the bath water, my phone comes to life again. Another message.

From: Finn

I just want to go back, why can't we just go back?

I steady myself whilst sinking into the bathtub. Shaking still, I type a reply.

From: Rachel

To where Finn? To the part where you kissed me but left me alone in the auditorium? To the part where you pretended to be with me but used me for a music scholarship? To the time when you dumped me to be a rockstar? To the part where you slept with her? To the part where we lied to each other?

I'm angry, not for all the times he's left me but for the fact that he just doesn't get thing about Finn is we've both hurt each other so many times, that going back, well going back is never an option.

He replies almost as soon as I have sent it.

From: Finn

To the time when you were in love with me.

I sigh as I sink deeper into the water. I have always, _always_ been in love with Finn Hudson. I always will be.

As the water wraps itself around me, my tears fade and I begin to feel numb. I shut my eyes to drown out everything, but mainly just to drown out him saying he's in love with me. I want so much to go back but I know that we can't.

Why doesn't Finn get it? I think.

I climb out of the tub and wrap myself in a fluffy white towel. I glance at my calendar that hangs proudly on my bedroom wall. Each month has an inspiration quotation from a famous musical. Except, well, they don't inspire me as much as I used to.

All I want for Christmas is playing on the radio. So I start to sing, well hum at first. Until I'm singing again, I feel like I'm singing to him, like all my pain is coming out with my voice. And after I finish the final note, I feel calmer. It feels so good. All along I've been avoiding singing, convincing myself it was defining me, defining my unhappiness. But perhaps it wasn't. Perhaps it was them, the Glee club, that was defining me.

I can still sing. Just not with them.

I'm not going back. Not back to Finn, not with Glee. But I'm going forward. Going forward is my only chance of being happy. I start to comb my hair through as I glance at the calendar again. I have a writing club meeting in an hour at the library down the street. I've always like to write, god knows I'm articulate enough for it, so I'm going to give it a go. I've got to keep moving forward.

If only Finn would realise that obsessing with our past is not the answer, I think. The only way we can make it now is to start figuring out our future.

_I am not sure how proud I am of these chapter as there's not much plot development righ now. However, I think Finn is slowly getting there, perhaps we'll get an 'i'm sorry' soon? I love reading your reviews, they seriously make me write faster and I want to get into the hundreds. Loving all your insight into the episode. Anyway, remember R&R._


	5. Chapter 5

_Okay so I watched Furt and I fell in love with Finn again. Then I watched Special Education and hated him. So I'm confused. As a result, this chapter is slightly more optimistic. Nearly 20 reviews for the last chapter which is fab! Enjoy the next chapter._

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Almost as soon as it had begun, the snow melted away. And I tried not to over think things, tried not to over-analyse my metaphor of Finn and I's relationship like I usually do. So instead I threw myself into Cheerio practice, carried on with my writing and started singing. I've started to record my performances again. I'm not posting them on Myspace yet, you understand, the demands of my 43 fans from South East Asia will have to wait. Whilst I'm thrilled that I've found singing again, I don't want to expose my voice to the nation anymore.

And by the nation I mean them.

And by them, I mean more specifically, well _him_.

Because when I sing you see, well I'm singing about _him_ to _him_.

It's been several days since our brief almost reunion. I feel awful for not replying to that last text but the thing is I've always loved Finn Hudson. And if he doesn't get that, then there are so many things I don't get about him. So I'm growing more content to let us thaw for a little a while, because the truth is, if we go back there before we're ready, we'll end up evaporating altogether. At least now we're hanging on to something, however small that possibility may be.

* * *

Coach Sylvester's megaphones echo's around the field, exploding my ear drums. I need to concentrate on my routines I think, or I'm seriously in danger of becoming mediocre. And mediocre people end up on the bottom of the squad; that just won't do.

I see him on the steps watching me. It strikes me odd as to how many times I've watched him, pined for him, yet now it's me on the field and him watching from a distance.

I can make out another figure and then I realise. It's Puck. Whilst listening intently to Couch Sylvester's routine, demonstrated impeccably by Quinn, my fists begin to clench. I'm waiting for fists to fly or at the very least for Finn to storm off. Yet, neither happens. I watch as Finn simply makes the space and Puck sits down. There's no way I can lip read from such an incredible distance, yet from what I gather they're saying nothing at all. Finn is still staring and Puck is watching.

Watching Finn, watching me.

As Mrs Sylvester demotes Jackie (the super annoying cheerleader who starts every sentences with OMG and is a staunch believer that the only punctuation mark worth using is an exclamation mark.) to the bottom of a pyramid, a time out is called. Coach has to take her HRT medication, so she sends Amber (a surprising intelligent girl; she's helped me learn not to judge a book by its cover) to grab it. The rest of the squad down their master cleanse, whilst attempting to flinch. I tuck into a cereal bar greedily and am glad to see Quinn is swallowing and Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich. I guess some lessons stay with you, however the circumstances change.

I'm desperate to be a part of Puck and Finn's conversation. Desperate to know if they're talking about me. Perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps I'm flattering myself and they're talking about Glee, football, computer games, or whatever the hell guys talk about when they get together. I watch as they make there way into the school building. Now's my chance. I pull my oversized hoodie up over my head and shove my headphone into my ears. I keep the correct pace as I follow them, a look of disinterest on my face should they turn around and spot me. They don't notice me at all. What can I say? I excel at amateur dramatics.

They reach Finn's locker so I sneak around the corner, next to science lab. Luckily Finn and Puck are speaking pretty loud so I can catch their conversation. I realise, as I make out the end of the sentence, that Finn is shouting as I take in his clenched fists and the anger straining his face.

"whatever man, you know I'm in love with her so why her?" I get a shiver of excitement at the thought of him, despite everything, still being so bold about his feelings for me.

Did he tell Santana that? I think. Did she know he loved me? _Did he love me back then?_

I flinch as Puck shouts back, "Seriously! She's hot man! And perhaps if you told her that once in a while rather than singing about how amazing your brother is, then she wouldn't need me to make her feel like a real women."

The thing about Puck is that he's surprisingly perceptive. Not about the duet part, I mean that was totally sweet for Finn to do that for Kurt and I whole-heartedly approved. But the whole needing to feel something. He gets that it wasn't about him, that it was about Finn.

Even though I haven't got a clear view of him, I can picture Finn's face as he says,"Dude that's way out of line. You totally split us up, before your thing we were totally awesome and stuff. Then bam. The return of frickin Puckleberry."

Puckleberry. It makes me a smile, just at the ridicolous idea of Puck and I. Together. As a name, it's nothing compared to Finchel.

"Listen man, I didn't want to say anything because I have a rep and all but the reason I stopped making out with her..."

I freeze as Puck pauses. What if it's something about me? Like I'm inadequate as a make out partner. I scold myself because I honestly don't care what Puck thinks of me, in that way. Finn is the only one that matters.

" She said, no wait, _moaned _your name dude! That's not the first time she did it either bro. However hot she is, especially when she went all Britney with those sweet belly tops, nobody calls the Puckazilla by the other name."

I cringe. And I'm not sure what I'm cringing for. Firstly, the fact that I moaned. Do I moan often? I think Does Finn hear me moan? Then I cringe thinking back to my homage of Ms Spears. Don't get my wrong I totally admire her commitment at reinventing herself as a worldwide superstar but I feel a little sad. Because that reinvention was all about him; wanting him to notice me. I even rejoiced in him being kicked off the football squad because I wanted us to feel equal. If I was a loser I wanted him to be a loser. The irony of wanting the one you love to be a happy totally passed me by.

_

* * *

_

I've heard enough. For now at least. I jog back to practice to find Jackie jostling with Santana over the position on the pyramid. She's desperate to get on the top of the chain or at very least the middle. She's eyeing me suspiciously, thinking about a way she can topple me. What can I say? Cheerios, on the whole at least, are mean.

"My eyes are burning!" Sue yells, not even needing her megaphone this time. I can't concentrate as a barrage of criticism rolls of her tongue. I'm not good at accepting anything but constant praise but with Mrs Sylvester you get used to it pretty quickly. I mean she criticises anything and everything. On Monday she said I repulsed her because the whiteness of my shoelaces wasn't a perfect match with my sneakers.

As we're dismissed altogether I head back towards the lockers to grab my coat. I glance at the word Finn, printed on sugary pink paper. I took the 4ever part down the day he broke up with me, but the Finn part, well I shoved it to the back of my locker but it's still there. Because I can't believe they'll ever be a time when the word won't be important to me.

As I rush to my car, in an attempt to avoid the cold weather, I hear my name being called.

"Rach." I refuse to believe it's him. Because my names been called more than once this week and it was never him. Yet no one else calls me Rach.

"Rach!" he says again, jogging towards me.

I fiddle with my hair nervously as I wait for him to catch up with me. To anyone else we look like a clichéd high school couple; the cheerleader and the quarterback. Yet despite our new found similarity in status. Despite the fact that people tend to smile at me in the hallway, rather than drench me with a slushie, I still feel further away from him. Because when we got together it felt like he was my everything. I'd pinch myself and say "you have him now. After all the heartache, after all the waiting, after all the feelings of second best you have him now. You're Finn's girlfriend. Don't screw it up." But I did screw it up, we both did. And now? I want to be Finn's girlfriend so much, but I want to be other things too.

"Rach" he says slowly, his gaze serious. "Rach, I'm sorry."

It's not perfect, it's not everything yet it's enough to keep to us going; to stop us disappearing altogether like the snowfall which is now a distant memory. I want us to be more than a memory.

"I'm sorry too Finn." Because I am.

It's a start.

_I'm really rubbish at writing Puck/Sue so please forgive me for that. I would love the reviews to keep coming! If I could get to like 140 ish that would be amazing! I need something to distract me from tonight's episode (dreading!)._


	6. Chapter 6

_Next chapter up. How depressing was the christmas episode! Finn needs to seriously grow up, that line "can't you see how messed up I am, you've done this." Next second, he's joking away with Puck as you do. He is a total idiot. With that in mind, here we go..._

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This Christmas was the worst of my life. In some ways, it was also my best. Life's confusing like that, isn't it?

Please excusing my musing tone, you see it's my new role. Yes, that's right, I Rachel Berry am a hard-hitting journalist! Well I got a role on the school paper. I'm co-ordinator of school related gossip and I have my own column! I think the guy only gave it me because they thought being on the cheerio's I'd know all the gossip but I'll prove I'm the best damn writer they can hire (well, _find to volunteer_, since it's a free gig). This is my chance to show there's another side to me.

As for the newly cut cheerio shaped hole in Rachel Berry, well, where do I begin? Firstly I sung _All I want for Christmas_ for the Cheerio's booster club invitational in the last week of school. The thing is I wear the uniform three times a week yet my decision to avoid becoming a cliché has simply been ignored by my fellow students. I'm simply cheerio Rachel, which perhaps beats 'the short girl who's dating the quarterback' An improvement I guess? I mean I'm being defined by my extra curricular activities now rather than my height (or lack of it) and who's on my arm.

I guess the feminist inside me that my dads installed should be proud, except, well I quite liked being the girl _who's dating the quarterback. _I was proud to be dating the quarterback; dating him.

Mrs Sylvester kept screaming at me and like I said I've wanted to sing again, just not with Glee. So I sung the song and it was amazing. People were cheering me. Cheering _my_ name. It was always supposed to be this way, I thought.

Except for the next day. When I quit the cheerio's.

* * *

I apologies for writing in the present tense, writing to you as if I was still part of the squad. However, a good writer must deceive the reader to create suspense and I bet you didn't see that one coming, did you? I'm now officially known as 'the freak who quit the cheerios.' So why did I quit? The night after the performance I spent all night tossing and turning, between fits of dreaming of nothing in particular. I felt desperate to explore why my new found elation had quickly faded. Whythe high was short lived, like eating a candy bar and I was left just feeling numb. When the last high I seem to remember, finally becoming Finn's girlfriend, seemed to envelope me over a whole summer. It was around 3 am when it finally hit me. _Because it's just not me. _It seemed like an overly simple moment of clarity for someone of my advanced vocabulary, yet it made sense at the time and it still does. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep but it was enough to make me hand over my resignation and my uniform back to Mrs Sylvester later that day. It was unfortunate that she stood on my foot and broke my toe but it's started to heal now and my resolve towards my decision remains strong.

I've been trying to stay strong, for all the decisions I've made. After we broke up from school, I tried so hard to stay busy. I spent Christmas Eve reading the Dummies Guide to Journalism whilst eating homemade chocolate brownies and downing eggnog. It wasn't what I fantasised but it was ok. A part of me wanted to ask Santa for him again, but the concept of wishing for someone just seemed so silly. _It wasn't last year._

As I yawned and shuffled to lock the front door that night, Finn was there, holding the mistletoe in front of my face. I should have guessed all along that my Christmas would involve him in someway. He said that when he thought about Christmas, any time of celebration, only makes sense if I'm involved, if it's me and him. It was as close as a frank discussion about our situation so I accepted and let him in. After our third glass of milk and devouring a plate of _his _I'm sorry cookies, we found ourselves on _my _bed. This time no-one left. We stayed there, involved with intermissions of talking and making out, until he snuck out of my room at 6am. I noticed that as I watch his car pull away that it was snowing again. I was convinced it was a sign yet the next day the snow was disgusting, a mushy gloopy mess sticking to my feet and the magic was gone.

I haven't spoke to him since.

* * *

Except tomorrow's the first day back at school and he's asked me to meet him. So as I speak I'm standing outside in the freezing cold waiting for his truck to pull over.

I huddle myself closer as he finally arrives. I jump into the car. I almost want to lean over and kiss him like we usually do, but instead I pretend to be fascinated with my seatbelt. We drive in silence as usual, which is a relief, because after all these weeks it seems were no nearer to saying what we want to say, no nearer to knowing what we want to say.

As we pull up at his house he turns the key in the ignition and for a moment we're happy to sit in the silence. Then he takes my hand.

"I want us to go back to school together as a couple Rach," he says, handing me a small box wrapped in metallic paper. "It's your Christmas present, I meant to give it you Christmas Eve but you looked really pretty and I got er distracted."

I rip the paper carefully to reveal a small red box. I peek inside. It's a necklace. It's the necklace I always wanted him to get me but instead ended up buying myself.

Yet this time instead of saying Finn it says Finchel in petite gold letters. A part of me is thrilled and wants to put it on my neck immediately, I'm so proud to be a part of Finchel.

The other part of me thinks it's typical that our couple name would have to have most of his first name and a little bit of me tagged on the end. I know. _I know_ I'm being ridiculous.

"Finn, we can't go back there" I say.

"but I love you Rach, I want to go back there."

"You know what occurred to me Finn?" I reply "That I've sung far too many songs about loving you from a far, or being angry with you, or wanting you back than I ever have about just being content with you."

It's true. Maybe angst is good for our performances. Perhaps if we'd sung No Air at Regionals rather than Faithfully we'd have won it.

"The fact is Finn" I add, "we've survived a pregnant girlfriend and a very cheesy older boyfriend." I watch as he flinches at the mention of Jesse, "All the obstacles are gone now and it's still hard." I continue, "We're sixteen years old, our relationship should be easy but it _isn't_. What's going to happen if we got married, or move away, or if we have no money and are struggling to get by?"

In his defence he doesn't even flinch as I mention future commitments. I, on the other hand, try desperately not to think of my fantasy of me and Finn living in a poky flat in the heart of NYC, struggling to find our way in the world and spending each day happily pounding the pavements. Not that I've thought about it. Not much anyways.

"I want to be happy Finn." I say "I want to be uncomplicated and stress free and I just want to live my life for a while. I can't do that if we get back together now. I want, I want us to be friends." Deep down there are so many more things that I want. I've thought constantly about it but this is the only way I can truly be happy. For now.

He gently prises the box out of my fingers and puts it in the glovebox. "For safe keeping," he says as he starts up the car again, defeated almost. After a ten minute journey we're back to where we started, at my house.

"What if I don't want to be friends?" he asks quietly, as he opens the car door to let me out.

"Then we're nothing Finn" I say quietly "and I love you too much to be nothing."

His voice starts to quiver as he envelopes himself in my arms.

"We'll never be nothing Rach" he whispers into my ear. My eyes start to well up. How did we get here? It used to just be Finn and Rachel.

"Maybe next year" we both say at the same time. There are a thousands ways the sentence could end.

_Maybe next year we'll hate each other._

_Maybe next year I'll be with Quinn and you'll be with Puck._

_Maybe next year life will change so much we'll barely recognise each other._

_Maybe next year, just maybe, we'll find our way back._

Awkward laughter fills the air and I look towards him,smiling, just briefly. There are a thousands ways the sentence could end but he gets it; he thinks the same as me.

I shiver as I force the key into the lock. In many ways it's a perfect conclusion to our relationship, we can finally focus on being friends. There's nothing left to say anymore and the silences can become comfortable rather than awkward. I turn back to wave goodbye and he's still watching me, smiling.

"Hey, friend" he shouts, "Come to back to Glee. Tomorrow. I'll drive you home"

Sometimes you can have a really perfect moment and Finn just ruins it.

* * *

_Ooh, I am really happy where this story has gone as I really can't see a way of them being totally happy again. One more chapter to go I think just to wrap up Rachel and the Glee issue. Your reviews have been fab and I don't want to disappoint so I'd love some feedback on where you'd like the story to go. Do you want them to get together, Finn to do some more grovelling or just leave it as friends? Please let me know. Read and review!_


	7. Chapter 7

Heads turn as I make my way into the choir room. I'm desperate to squelch down, to start tugging at my jumper or scuffing my boots, yet I hold my head high. I don't think I've done anything to be ashamed of. I nod my head in my recognition as Tina waves shyly. Quinn pats the seat next to her and I shuffle into it, placing my red handbag underneath my seat.

Mr Shue's face breaks out into a smile as he enters the room, swinging his suitcase. He gently places it on the top of the piano and picks up his whiteboard pen. He begins to scrawl on the whiteboard.

REINVENTION

"So guys as you have figured out right now Rachel is back in Glee and I for one couldn't be more pumped! This is the perfect time for New Directions to reconsider the direction we're going in. Aren't we supposed to be about change and new things? And with Rachel's reinvention…."

He pauses as he motions towards my outfit, a combination of skinny jeans, Ugg boots and a long red polka dot sweater. For him it seems as if I have made an amazing transformation; as if the old Rachel Berry is gone for good and Rachel 2.0 is in her place. It's funny how clothes can be seen as defining a person in so many different ways. I've been defined by short skirts and knee socks; the number on my boyfriends football jersey; my cheerio uniform and now my jeans. They like to think that the jeans are a metaphor for my new life, yet in reality? I just got a little sick of short skirts and tried a pair of jeans on when shopping with Kurt. The snow is still showering Lima so the boots are simply a practically solution.

"… it's a perfect time to reinvent Glee club. Your assignment this week? Take a song that you wouldn't usually sing and reinvent to suit your personality! Mercedes, I'm thinking a country song rather than your usual R N B mix. Puck, I want you to put the guitar down and find a song that you can simply just belt out! And Rachel? I think I speak for everyone when I say whole-heartedly: No show tunes!"

Awkward laughter fills the air. I can see that the club want to laugh at Mr Shue's joke yet some are trying to laugh _with me _rather than against me. I've barely sat down and the guy is already using me as a teaching opportunity. I'm usually quick to take offence yet somehow I feel different. Like I can't sing a show tune; it's no big deal. I sung Mariah Carrey at the invitational and totally rocked it, so I'll just dig a little deeper into my repertoire. Usually I'd be reaching for pen and pad to brainstorm initial ideas but part of me is a little frustrated. I already have so many things to do and now I have to find a song that, for Mr Shue at least, will sum up the events of the past few weeks in a nice little package. I just want to sing.

If only it was that simple.

"Ah Santana" Mr Shue says "perfect timing. In fitting with our new reinvention assignment perhaps you could reinvent yourself and arrive on time for class, just once?"

She rolls her eyes and manages to climbs up to the back of the room where Finn is sitting, all while perfectly applying mascara with her left hand and holding a mirror in her right. She smiles as he politely scoots away from her, giving her room to sit down. She continues to apply the mascara, only relenting when Mr Shue begins to clear his throat pointedly. I watch as she lets her hand rest gently on Finn's knee. He grimaces and flinches at the unexpected nature of the gesture, yet he lets it lie there. I see him glance towards me and I do everything to give my best non-judgmental smile.

But I do judge him. A little bit. Yes I know were _friends_. I've been trying, I really have. But on reflection, what did I really think asking him to be friends would really achieve? On the first day back at school we had a conversation by the lockers and it was fine; only marginally awkward. Then he asked me to go for dinner at Breadsticks. I declined. Because the truth is, as friends, what do Finn have to talk about? The only thing we had holding us together were our feelings for each other and Glee, yet now neither are secure. The day after our locker encounter he text me to express his surprise at my no show in the choir room. What did he expect, that one conversation would mean I'd simply return to Glee? It was never going to be that easy to go back.

In the end it was something far different that made me walk in the choir room today.

Quinn.

She squeezes my hand supportively as she takes in Santana's look of lust towards Finn. It's a simple, brief gesture; so brief I almost have to convince myself its real. I'm not saying that Quinn and I are suddenly best of friends or anything, our issues with boys mean there are way too many barriers to a mutual friendship.

But I don't hate her. And I'd like to think she doesn't hate me. As I got to my locker yesterday she was there. It appears that all confrontations in my life take place at my locker but Quinn assured me she wasn't looking for an argument.

"So Rachel I've been thinking," she said awkwardly "you need to come back to Glee. To be honest Finn moping around is depressing, yet Santana strolling around like she's the star after her Sectionals performance is far worse! The truth is, as much as I hate to admit, you're the only one in our club that truly is a star. It's not just about your voice Rachel, it's everything about you. It feels like we're just existing as a club without you and I miss… well I miss the way you made everyone in Glee feel. Like it was something special to be a part of. That special ingredient, the one that made it special, was you Rachel.'

Whatever her motivation, it was probably one of the nicest things anyone had ever said about me.

"I'm doing ok Quinn." I replied simply. "I know I quit the Cheerios but I'm striving to achieve a no drama status in my life and it's working out pretty well so far. I don't need Glee to come along and ruin that for me. There's nothing at Glee for me."

"He's an idiot you know" she said, awkwardly fiddling with the pretty green bracelet that adorned her wrist. "We all so think so, I mean yes you cheated with Puck, but it's pretty obvious to everyone in the club that you worship the ground Finn Hudson walks on and it's not like he's never made mistakes."

I shrugged, "it's irrelevant now Quinn, we're not even together…"

"I know," she added, "and I know he's a total hypocrite." He voice grew quieter, almost as if it was a whisper. "_I know Rachel_. I know that last year he cheated on me, with you."

My body stance changed to defensive, ready to argue my corner, to defend my part in it all.

"I'm not picking a fight with you," she continued. "Finn was in love you, I knew that a long while ago. What I'm saying is that despite he's intentions, he's totally flawed, yet he's taking it out all on you. Yet _you're_ the one that's left Glee, the one thing you were truly passionate about."

"I'm passionate about a lot of things now." I said, as I closed my locker door. "Didn't you hear I'm a writer?"

She nodded. "That's great Rachel, honestly. You know how fed up I am of the guys objectifying us, placing us into a corner. You're doing such a good job of showing everyone you're not just about Glee. Yet at the same time, you love to sing, I saw you at the invitational. Despite your awkwardness in the cheerio costume, you were fantastic. Isn't refusing to be a part of Glee the easy way out? Wouldn't staying, confronting everyone, showing everyone you can be in Glee and have other interests the stronger thing to do? Can't the new Rachel Berry do both?"

It was probably the most I'd ever heard Quinn say.

But she had a point. The reasons I'd had for quitting, they didn't seem as strong anymore.

_Mr Shue yelled at me_. Big deal he was a teacher, that's what they did. I should've stood up for myself better, I get that now.

_Everyone hates me. _Okay so everyone hated me, except Quinn didn't and therefore my argument was technically invalid.

_I broke up with Finn. _Yes I broke up with my boyfriend. Yes he goes to Glee club. Yes he is a total wuss when confronting Santana, so why am I the one missing out on Glee?

_I'm not sure if I want to sing anymore._ Ok, so I'm not sure if I want to sing as a career but I still love to sing.

So, when I looked it, I don't really have one reason, let alone five, to stay away anymore. So that's why I'm here, practising the same note over and over. Trying to avoid Santana's looks and Finn's glances. Because I Rachel Berry, like to sing. But I also like to write too. That reminds me….

"Mr Shue" I say, holding my hand in the air, after we've completed the vocal warm up.

He smiles "before you say it Rachel, it's a little early to be planning for Regionals and as for the show tunes issue that's my word and it's final." He rolls his eyes a little.

Sometimes I think that Mr Shue is a really bad teacher. Or maybe just a bad guy. Either way he never understands what the girls are trying to say. Maybe that's why Ms Pillsbury married the dentist guy; he was pretty cute.

"No it's not that, Mr Shue. It's just that I need to leave in a few minutes for a newspaper thing, is that okay?"

He nods his head, "sure Rachel."

Santana stands up as I start to gather my things.

"Hey yentl" she calls "now you're journalist and all. I've got a hot story for the school paper. The new power couple: me and Finnocence and unlike past power couples…"I'm not a frickin prude, so we're totally getting it on."

Finn stands up, hurriedly. "That's not true, Rach, I swear. God dammit Santana, you know that's not true!"

"You are totally unfair Girl, quit ragging on Rachel already." adds Mercedes.

It's a different scene than a month or so ago, and I appreciate that. It's ironic that when others finally leap to my defence I don't need it anymore. Yet I still appreciate it.

"Thank you Santana for that valuable piece of information." I start, turning towards her, arms folded. The thing about newspapers is however that we have to write stories a week before we go to print. And you're such a total skank that any information on who you're dating, and by dating I mean who you're letting feel you up, would be totally out of date. It's unfortunate for you that Finn was intimate with you and was literally so ashamed that he'd rather be unpopular than admit being with a girl like you. And despite my flaws and my unashamedly prudish nature he still wanted to be with me when he could have had you in a heartbeat. Now I have a long diatribe to say to you about your fake boobs, you fake hair and your fake personality but you never will be worth wasting my breath and you will never intimidate me or make me quit Glee. So you go ahead and keep throwing yourself at him. I've got other things to focus on."

"Oh by the way" I shout as I turn on my heels. "yes I'm short and my nose is rather large. Deal with it and find some new material!"

I lean up against the wall in the corridor as I get my breath back. I have to admit that felt pretty good, oh who am I kidding, it was amazing. I've said what I need to say now, I need to move on.

I smooth my hair down and reapplying my lip balm. I hear his footsteps and feel him pause as he scans around for me.

Of all the times he could of, _should of_, ran after me, he's choosing now.

Why does his timing suck so much?

"Rach" he says, catching up with me. "I need you to know, I'm not with her. I swear I'm not with her."

"I know Finn" I say. And I believe him. Because Finn can sometimes be stupid, but he's not _that_ stupid after everything that happened between us. I hope not anyways.

"I wish," he says as he moves closer. "I just wish I knew how to fix things Rach." He kisses my forehead gently. "but I'm glad you came back, to Glee I mean."

"Finn…" I start sincerely.

He leans back and shakes his head, "hey you have a newspaper meeting to get to, they'll be missing there star writer. Get going!"

I laugh and hug my notebook closer to me.

I know he doesn't watch me this time, he turns around heads back to the choir room. I hear him starting vocal practice again. And I head of to the print room.

It's a new direction. It's not going back. We're reinventing ourselves. He gets it now.

_Thanks for all the reviews. I think I am going to finish this with one more chapter, as I think the popularity of the story is dwindling a little, given the reviews. Plus there's only so many more speeches Rachel can deliver! Appreciate your feedback on the ending guys, will be up soon._


	8. Chapter 8

_Final chapter's up! It is set around 11 months later (I figure the last chapter was middle of Jan 2010, a week after returning to school) just when the school is finishing for Christmas holidays. _

**11 months later**** (14.12.2011)**

I clear out the contents of my locker, being careful not to miss a single item on my checklist. I have so much to do over the Christmas break. I have a US History paper to write; a detailed revision plan for my finals to put into place; a ton of stuff to do for Glee and the paper, plus I volunteered to go carolling with a few girls from my Spanish class.

I can't believe that is my last Christmas at McKinley. I can't believe I'm a senior.

I head towards my car and begin to carefully loading the items in my hand. I settle into the passenger seat and begin my usual ritual. With the heating on full blast and my front window beginning to thaw, I peel the weekly issue of the school newspaper out of my bag. I do this every Friday, read the paper cover to cover in the car whilst I'm waiting for it to heat up. It's been a year since I joined the paper but I still get a tiny thrill when I see my name in print. I've quickly advanced from writing school gossip (which was never really my thing) to more serious features that effect my classmates. I love it, and our newest recruit (Quinn Fabray) has made the gossip column a far bigger hit than it was when under my ownership.

After reading the notices and the annual message from our principle, Mr Figgins, I see it. There it is for all to see, boldly confronting me on page 5.

I have to read it at least three times before it sinks in.

* * *

**A CHRISTMAS MESSAGE**

_Ho Ho Merry Christmas readers! This week we have a special message __From McKinley's Star Quarterback, Finn Hudson._

Hey everyone. So this has taken me like three days to write, so at least I can cross journalism of options to study at college. I am not the best writer in fact I'm not even good at saying the thing that I actually want to say, so bear with me.

So, this is our last Christmas as Seniors and It's really freaky that this time next year we'll be like all over the country. Except like those 30% of us that don't end up going to college and stay in this crappy town but uh anyways…. Like I said I'm really not good at writing.

I'm in love with Rachel. Rachel Berry.

Yes, Rachel Berry, The writer and the girl who sings in Glee. The girls who's going to be editor of this newspaper after Christmas, which is awesome. And I figure I have to do this now because when she's in charge there's no way I could sneak this into the paper without her meticulous eye spotting it. Yes, I know what the word meticulous means. I think.

So anyways Rachel used to be my girlfriend around a year ago and we both did some crazy things, but the craziest thing I did was losing her, not fighting for her hard enough. We agreed to let each other go, to go off and reinvent ourselves, to make ourselves be better people. I've gotta be honest with you, I thought Rach was pretty perfect to begin with but I'm so glad I listened to her because now, she's amazing. She's found so many things she's talented and now she's off to NYU to study Journalism with Music Studies. I'm so proud to even call her a fellow glee club member, never mind a friend. It also meant I could focus on my football way more and we actually started winning games! I even got a football scholarship which is just so awesome, and it's all because of her.

I got to learn that a relationship is not about owning the other person, or making that person your everything. It shouldn't be so complicated and it's okay to make mistakes. But when you make mistakes, it's about moving forward rather than trying to go back and erase them. It's about admitting when you're wrong. Most importantly, it should just be about making each other happy, being best friends.

And I really want to be Rachel's best friend. If nothing else, I want to be that.

Rachel told me once that she likes to have 5 clear reasons to do something. This past year I've watched her grow more impulsive, but just in case I wanted to share my five reasons as to why I think she should get back together with me.

1. Because I promise to really listen (not just pretend to) when she going on about her writing class or Broadway hits. And not just so she'll make out with me but because I find everything she says interesting.

2. I'll always stand up for her. Unless she doesn't want me to, in which case I'll clap the loudest when she shows everybody how capable she is of standing up for herself.

3. I'll not get all paranoid or jealous when other guys totally check her out or personify her. But if she wants me to, I'll kick their ass.

4. I really really love her, I always will.

5. Because I have a hundred more reasons written down and if she gets back to with me I'll stay up with her all night to tell them her all.

Okay, so this message isn't really about Christmas. Except it kind of is, I guess what I'm trying to say is Rachel I love you. And I know you once said that loving someone wasn't enough but in this case, I really hope it is. If I believed in Santa Claus I'd definitely ask him for you again. Although Britney if you're reading, he still totally exists! my message _is_ also kind of about Christmas because what I'm trying to say is if you love someone, especially at Christmas time, then please tell them. Because when you're without them, Christmas really sucks, even with the presents and the awesome tree smell. That's it really.

I'm totally going to be slushied for this but it's worth it.

Have a great Christmas,

Finn Hudson, Senior.

* * *

I huddle in my car, letting the tears run freely down my face. I clutch the paper tightly, never wanting to let it go. I can't believe he wrote that about me. I can't believe he waited, almost a whole year, to say that. It's been worth it. All that waiting. When I read the message I get that I deserve him now. I like myself enough not to keep walking on eggshells around him this time. I, Rachel Berry, deserve a hot guy like Finn Hudson to be falling at my feet. And I've waited a whole year to feel that way.

Now I'm done waiting.

"Rach!" It's raining now and he bangs heavily on the car door. I rush over to the lock and let him in the passenger seat.

"Hey" he says simply, "I'm wet."

"You're wet." I say, running my hands through his hair in an attempt to dry him off. It was just an excuse to touch his hair to be honest.

"So I read the…

"So did you read the…"

We laugh as we both pause, "so I guess you read" it he adds. "Before you say anything I want to give you something." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a large blue box.

"Finn you don't have to…" I trail off as I open the box.

It's…. it's a keyring.

I wasn't expecting that.

A finchel key ring to be precise. There, attached to a small gold hoop is the letters from the Finchel necklace he gave me a year ago. I notice 3 smaller charms too: a small star; a music note and a tiny gold pen.

"I told you I'd look after it," he says, grinning widely. "Listen Rachel. I love you, I mean I've made that pretty clear to everyone in the whole school, but I don't expect you to just start wearing my name around your neck. I get it now; I get that, you and your dreams; are bigger than just me. Yet at the same time I'd be honoured to just be a part of your life. For you to attach this to your keys or your purse or whatever and to just carry a small part of me when you head of to NYU. Along with the other parts that I think make up Rachel Berry. I don't need to be your everything, just being a small part would make me a really lucky guy."

I nod repeatedly and lean into kiss him. The rain pounds on the window of my car as I stroke his hair. I hear him moan as he pulls me deeper towards him. Then just as suddenly he breaks off…

"I know I always do the wrong thing at the wrong time Rachel" he says, without taking a breath, "and sometimes I've been a coward, and sometimes my timing really sucks but I want it to work this time Rach. I want us to go forward."

"Just kiss me Finn" I say and pull him towards me once more.

Sometimes, you can have what you think is a perfect moment and Finn makes it even better. Sometimes, without even really realising it, you can move forward and it's far better than the past ever was.

Sometimes, just sometimes, Finn Hudson can be right on time.

_So that's it! I hope I haven't disappointed anyone by getting them together. I think a time gap was needed for them to truly grow and I hope the writers do the same. I also hope it was the right side of cheesy! I would seriously appreciate any reviews on the ending! They make my day!_


	9. Chapter 9: Epilogue

So I was reading Metaphors again and I really liked where my writing was going with the story. I was trying to do the same sort of writing in Make You Feel My Love but it seems to be too similiar. So anyway I was lying in bed last night and I had an idea to maybe do a sequel to the story. I've just written an epilogue here, to test the water as I don't want to ruin the story. It takes place during Summer 2012, just before Finn and Rachel graduate and, if I continue, will see them moving to New York. I'd like to see how new Finchel cope with NYC and perhaps introduce other characters, like a friendship between Rachel and Quinn. A lot less angst though! Anyway read this and if you like please, please review. If the feedback is good, I'll start a sequel, if not I'll leave it as a little epilogue. It's up to you!

_P.S. I am still going with New Connections, I just like to do lots of different types of writing!_

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* * *

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"I can't believe we only have a week left!" he says, as he tenderly stoops down, placing a kiss on the tip of my nose. He holds out the black sack marked for my belongings tentatively, as if he's not really ready for it what it signifies.

To be frank with you, neither am I.

"I'm pretty sure emptying the contents of our lockers could have waited a little while longer Finn," I sigh, as I flick through a bunch of Geometry notes. I guess since I've handed in my last paper, they belong in the sack. There's a thud as the wad of paper slam to the bottom of it. "I'm also pretty sure that we didn't need to do it on a Saturday, when I have a bunch of other stuff to do!"

"Nu-uh" he replies, shaking his head. "Do you see how much junk you have in here? Didn't you clear it out like right before Christmas break! It's gonna take at least a week to leave this clean enough for whichever lame freshman will take your place."

He hands me the sack and gently shoves me back to me as he peeks into the locker. "I've totally always wanted to see what you've kept in here! Since you're usually like super organised when it comes to this stuff. I guess even you have flaws babe," he jokes, as he holds up a flyer for Glee's very first invitational.

Okay, so some times I, Rachel Berry, am a little bit of a hoarder.

"Trash?" he questions, gesturing towards it. It's tattered at the edges and in the corner someone has written 'Glee club sucks" in black marker pen. I nod with more confidence then I feel, noticing a flutter of something that seems a lot like nostalgia in my stomach. I am not sure what I'm exactly being sentimental for. Being a sophomore? The buzz of a first performance? Or the time where everything between Finn and I was so innocent, so fresh? A little of everything I guess. Yet what I have with Finn now is so much better than secret looks and awkward fumbles.

"Good choice" he nods and then jokes "only like three hundred more pieces of crap to get through and then we can go get dinner!"

"I'm not going to breadsticks" I say, automatically. It's like a defence. Breadsticks is like a metaphor for the old Finn and Rachel, we ate their way too often. Now, I try to make sure we at least vary our cuisine. Besides, when we go to New York, it'll be full to the brim of culinary delights and it's important that we explore its full potential. So Finn really needs to get used to trying Lebanese, or Sushi, or Vegan.

Finn doesn't agree. I don't think he sees it as a metaphor. Finn just really likes breadsticks.

"fine babe, but lets just make sure it's frickin cooked this time."

I don't think he really gets the concept of sushi either. It's a good thing I find him totally adorable.

"Hey look what I found?" he adds teasingly, breaking me from my thoughts of an appropriate restaurant to take him, where he won't spit out the food. It's his name, carefully printed on sugary pink card. The same name that I had taken down all those months ago and put to the back of my locker, desperate not to throw it away. _To throw us away. _And after we got back together, it had stayed there. Because I'm madly in love with Finn, I just don't want to be one of those girls that is desperate to shove into everyone's face

I laugh and grab it from him, pausing briefly to envelope him in a brief hug. "Yeah this one's not being disposed of, Finn." I say, as I stretch on my tiptoes to run my hands through his hair. "Besides I'll need it to put it in my dorm room, in case I'm suddenly swarmed with available suitors. I'll need some way of letting them know that I already have a guy with me that will totally kick their ass if I let them, right?" I tease lovingly, whilst thinking back to his declaration seven months ago.

"Yeah actually about the dorm rooms, I kinda need to talk to you about that babe…" He trails off expectantly, his eyes shinning bright. He takes a deep breath and I wonder what's he's going to tell me. We already had the paperwork through months ago, we're in the same block of dorms at NYU, only seven floors between us. When we got it, Finn said it was perfect because if it was any less then he'd hear me belting broadway numbers each night and it would interrupt his drumming. I think he was joking. There's no way he's spending his nights drumming when we have New York to explore together!

All of a sudden he stops. His face changes to one of confusion. "Hang on didn't this kinda have like two parts? I swore it used to say like Finn forever or something? I guess we need to find the other part so those available guys you plan on inviting to your dorm don't think I'm like your brother or something. Are you planning on any guys seeing the inside of your dorm room babe?" he adds, unsure of himself, yet trying to keep the lightness in his voice.

"Of course not, Finn" I reply, "I was joking!"

Note to self, do not joke with Finn about meeting gentleman in NYC. Protective Finn is sexy. Worried Finn just about breaks my heart.

He begins to sort through the messy stack of paper to find the missing half. There's silence for a minute or two and I know I should interrupt him, tell him the truth, but it'll sound much worse than it is and for once I'm afraid Finn will be the one making a metaphor out of nothing at all.

"I guess we'll find it when we carry on sorting" he adds, giving up the search. "Man you have a lot of crap in here!"

I know we won't find it. I threw it out. In my defense, he was the one that gave up on us so quickly during that time._ I only gave up on a piece of paper._

"Babe" I start, my voice trembling. "I think I may have got rid of it, you know when you broke up with me. It was just too painful, that's all. I knew I'd always love you Finn, so I kept the name part. I just didn't know if we'd end up being each others forever's. So I took that part away. "

He pauses for a second. I know I'm in trouble when I catch just how angry he is, he doesn't even attempt to control his tone anymore. "Hang on, so you kept all of this shit, notes from glee club, all 36 of you're A graded papers from this term when you already know your scores, a crappy stub from when you went to the movies to see, what.." he pauses a minute to read the miniscule text on the piece of card, "Burlesque 2 with Kurt like four weeks ago. Yet you throw every frickin trace of me out of your locker."

"Oh please" I say, angry now that he's playing the victim again. "It was a piece of card I made for my locker, you're the one that tried to throw us away!" I stop as soon as I started, because wasn't this about moving forward? I don't want to go back and argue what's been done. Since we've got back together, our relationship has been drama free and perfect.

Unless you count the time when I got slightly drunk because we lost at Nationals and started yelling at Santana , which meant he tried to stand up for me and I actually bashed his nose, while he tried to hold me back. Which for the record, I don't. It wasn't a real argument, just a frosty ride to ER.

He slams his fist into the locker next to mine and then stalks off to the choir room adjacent to us.

So much for drama free.

* * *

We don't talk for a while, as I watch him teeter uncomfortably on the edge of the choir stool. I begin pacing nervously, because I'm not sure of what else to do. Then I start to talk, mainly because I find that the silence is stiffling me.

"You know Finn that a discarded little piece of paper doesn't show my feelings for you. In fact, I should probably simply dispose of all that stuff in the locker beause all the memories aren't on paper, they're in my head babe." He softens a little as I stand by him and reaches out his hand.

"And I can't wait to go to New York and make new memories with you, just us" I say, locking eyes with him. He gives me a small smile, which I take as a sign of a forgiveness. "which I keep emailing you schedules every day, none of which you've replied to I might add."

He nods, "you're eyes are really pretty."

Okay, so he got over that argument fairly swiftly I think. I can deal with this. I pretend to be offended but in reality I'm just relived we're not fighting. "Finn, did you hear anything I said?"

"Totally," he nods, "we can go for vegan if it makes me happy. They do fries right?" he pulls me on to his lap and sighs as he gently strokes my bangs. "You look really pretty today" he adds, as he begins to gently nibbles at my ear lobe, "like really, really pretty."

I wrap my arms around his neck and begin to argue feebly. "Babe, you promised you'd start listening to everything I said and not just so I'd make out with you! Whatever happened to that?"

He pulls away for a moment, staring it to my eyes "I know, but then you let me have sex with you after you broke my nose, and that's a whole different ball game babe. No way I can concentrate when you do you're long speeches now I've seen you naked. But if I upset you, I'll try better, I swear."

Honestly, he makes it sound it much worse than it was. I did not lose my virginity as a drunken apology for injuring my boyfriend's nose. Sure, it happened to be on the same night as our almost argument but that's irrelevant and my version of the story is much more romantic.

Oh, and his nose wasn't broken. It was merely fractured. But like I say, that is irrelevant to the story.

"Besides we have like an empty choir room, that almost never happens." He goes back to nibbling my ear and my resolve begins to crumble. I'm a little dizzy as his lips pound on me with considerable force.

This choir room has seen so much of our relationship, I'm pretty sure it must be a Finchel fan. It's kind of fitting that we're here together now, where it or began. It strikes me as poetic, but I imagine Finn just wants to get laid again soon. And maybe I do, just a little. That doesn't take away the symbolic nature of this moment. it's Finn and Rachel now. I'm glad that I'm also so much more than that, that both of us are so much more than that. Yet It doesn't change the fact I'm crazy about him. Maybe NYC won't be totally drama free and we're find tons of imperfections, I think, as I surrender to his advances. But It'll be excting and it'll be passionate and with him around it'll never, never be boring.

That's good enough for me.

* * *

_So that's it! I love some happy Finchel! but what does Finn want to tell Rachel about her dorm? GASP! Well you won't find out unless I continue this story, so click the review button!_


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